Oh dear… mhmm… it’s a hard life John without him.
Yeah?
Yeah… I don’t know. I’m lost without him. I really am.
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First thing he’d do when he wakes up, he says
“Ma, where’ll we go today?”
I said “Ken we’ve been out every day…”
“Yeah, but it’s good to get out Ma.”
“Well I don’t know, we’ve been to too many places we’ve got no place left to go”
So he said “Okay we’ll get in the car and we’ll go somewhere”
So alright, we get in the car, we get to the bottom of the driveway and he said
“Now where’ll go Ma, where’ll we go?”
I say “Well we went that way yesterday, we’ll go this way today”
So we go that way today and we’ll just drive around, drive around. Nowhere, nowhere in particular, just drive around. And then we come to a coffee shop. Come to coffee shop and go and get coffee.
He said “Come I’ll buy you a coffee.”
And then we'll have lunch or brunch, whatever the time happens to be, breakfast, brunch or breakfast, whatever. Yeah. And that's what we did every day. And tomorrow come, same thing.
“Where’ll we go to day Ma?”
“I don't know Ken”
So we drive, we might keep driving south.
And then if we find a motel there we liked the look at (of), we'll stop there, we'll go into the motel, and that's where we will stop for the night. And that's what we did.
We always had our bags in the back in case we found a place we wanted to stop, and that's what we did John. In the afternoon when you know… what time do the races start John? What time the races start?
“They go all day”
So, we get in the car and drive along - I'd have my crossword book, my reading book with me, because I know somewhere he’s going to stop.
“Okay, I just want to pull in here for a few minutes Ma, okay?”
“Alright Ken.”
He gets out, I get out my reading book and my crossword book cause it’s going to be more like half an hour.
So, he was happy doing what he'd do in the afternoon and I was happy to do what I’d do with my books and stuff. Yeah…
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And then one day he would say
“Oh, I want to get some petrol in the car. Come for a drive with me while I go down the petrol”
I said “Ken, but we only went out yesterday.”
He said “I'll buy you a coffee.”
He knows I always like to have a coffee when I went out.
“I'll buy you a coffee.”
Coffee would turn out to brunch, so we always had something nice.
But I said, “Ken your tank is three quarters full?” I know that because I drive it too. “You got three quarters full.”
He said “Yeah I just want to top it up”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Oh just down to Granville.”
To top it up, 20 minute drive down to Granville! To top it up that much John, top it up! Oh God John… Yeah right Ken. Oh he was strange sometimes, strange somehow, I don’t know…
"Well you picked him…"
I wouldn’t give him away for anything John. Would not give him away for anything my Ken. He was my Ken.
I don't know why he did that to me, wasn't fair. But he must have been very unwell John, for a long time, because he never complained. He never complained of pain or anything like that. He never complained how unwell he was John.
It was Monday morning. I said to him “Alright Ken, get ready now we’ll go soon.”
“Oh I don't feel like going I'm too tired.”
I said “You don't have to drive, I'll drive.” I said “Just put the seat back, put your head back and go to sleep, I’ll drive.”
So we did that, but at the end of that day, he was quite tired. So we had our dinner, and actually, the tennis was on… tennis was on that time in Melbourne. So we watched the tennis for an hour before he decided to get into bed, yeah.
So he did that, but the next morning, (when) he woke up… he woke up before me.
I said “Ken you’re awake already?”
He said, he said “Take me to hospital.”
Just like that. He never said anything about his sleep. He said, “Take me to hospital.”
So we packed up. We raced down the freeway and got to the hospital. They made him comfortable. They just made him comfortable, yeah.
So he spent five days in that hospital… but on the third day, he was unconscious. Didn't talk to us after the third day, they had him on morphine. He didn’t talk to us after that third day.
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For the last two days, we weren't able to speak to him because he couldn't answer us. We talked to him and talked to him and sing our hymns and say our prayers, but he couldn't open his eyes. He didn't realize we were there. Couldn't… oh my Ken.
That made me feel very sad, because why couldn't I see? Because I was with him all the time. All the time here. Why couldn't I see how unwell he was? How unwell he was.
At that time, they weren't allowing people into the rooms, and they were allowed no visitors, but they allowed one of us to go into the room at a time. So when I was there and someone else would come to take my turn, and the doctor came in, and he’d seen how unwell Ken was… he was really unwell, he was out to it, and they still would only let one or possibly another one to come to change over. And the doctor said straightaway he called the head nurse in.
He said, “The family can come and stay here in the room for as long as it takes.”
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We were allowed to stay in the room. We’d stay with him. We’d stay with him all day and all night, all day and all night the second night.
And at 5:30 on that 2nd morning, we were all sleep, all asleep there in the room. And they never said go, we were very quiet, very orderly and very quiet. And they said, yeah.
Jennifer was the first one awake. And then I was laying… I was sharing the lounge with somebody else, I was sharing the lounge…
And Jen said, “Mom, I think he's gone.”
Just like that.
So we all woke up, and he wasn't breathing, and he was gone.
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That was the end of my Ken.
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You know I think about him all the time.
Biggest part, biggest chunk of my life gone. And my life’s not the same. Even though I've got my children and all that. My life is not the same.
I wake up in the morning, I think… I look at his pillow next to me… he’s not there. Not there. It’s a horrible feeling knowing he’s not there.
So why am I getting up? What am I going to do now? What am I going to do now?
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That beautiful photo up there, he's smiling there.
I said “Ken, why are you smiling? It's not funny. You're always smiling.”
I love that photo behind me up there.
He’s always got that same beautiful smile.
I said “Why are you smiling Ken? It's not funny.”
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